On Faith ... What I Know Now

    Faith is a hard thing to comprehend. Even using the word "thing" in the previous sentence irks me. But what is faith if not a "thing"? And it's a complicated thing at that. Because faith can be hard to define. Of course there are many easily-accessible definitions for faith:

 1. confidence or trust in a person or thing;

 2. belief that is not based on proof;

 3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion;

 4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.;

 5. a system of religious belief

   But is faith solely belief? Some people believe faith is akin to certainty. Is faith something we find and then possess, like knowledge? Is it simply a gift from God that we have nothing to do with, other than to have it bestowed upon us?

   The more I try to understand God, or even fathom God, the more confused I become. Not always, but often. Perhaps this confusion comes because I have struggled in my personal life. Perhaps the confusion arises when I see hurt and pain in the world around me, and especially in people I know and love. Perhaps my confusion is a result of mistaken expectations ... I expect God to act in specific ways and God does not always act in those expected ways. 

   For most people, sometimes including myself, faith is something to be found and acquired. Many believe their very salvation depends on their ability to find it. I once believed that, too. What I know now about faith is still confusing, but rests a bit more assuredly on a theologically-secure foundation. My seminary education, along with life experience, has taught me that faith is indeed a gift. Something that we cannot earn or grab onto. Something that probably finds us rather than us finding it. This leaves me in the opposite corner from the many who can name a date when they "accepted Christ as their Savior." If I were to share their conviction, I'd have to admit that I played a role in my own salvation. I'd have to admit that, somehow, I mustered enough faith to get myself saved. And what I know now is that I'm weak when it comes to faith ... and I'm also weak when it comes to faithfulness. And obedience. And grace. And caring for others as I care for myself. What I know now about faith is that I'm meant to be a lifelong learner about it, and that I'm meant to be a lifelong receiver of it. I need faith for the times when I understand it, and especially for the times that I don't. I need faith to be a gift from God, if only because I'm too weak, and my mind is too limited, to fully grasp the abundant mercy of God.